Tonight I saw a glimpse of the Father’s heart. As I stood beside Mom’s bed, holding her hand and looking down upon her tear-washed face, my heart broke. As I listened to her pray, tears filled my own eyes. I watched her chin tremble. I heard her voice break. I heard her earnestly pray to her Father, and I saw myself in her face.
I remembered the countless times I have cried out to God and earnestly prayed in the same way. And for the first time I had a God’s-eye view.
Is this what I look like when I weep before the Father? Is this how He feels when I pray? Do tears flow from His eyes when they flow from mine? Does He cling to my hand and whisper words of reassurance over me? Does He smooth the hair away from my face and kiss my brow? Does He stand there the whole time, holding my hand, never leaving my side until I am calm and able to sleep?
Yes. And He remains there even after I have fallen asleep. He is always with me, never leaving me. So many times I think of God as "up there," distant from me and perhaps uncaring. But He's not. He is right beside me, deeply moved and comforting me.
God, thank you for letting me see from Your eyes tonight and showing me how much you care for Your children. Your love is tender, powerful, and deep. I am overwhelmed.
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand...." Psalm 73:23
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Friday, April 6, 2007
This Fragile Life
A phone call. A flight. A funeral.
How quickly life changes.
A conference call from friends. I hear laughter and teasing. Bright, animated voices. I stare out the window with the phone to my ear and watch snowflakes fall to the ground. The house is still. Mom is sleeping. More laughter in my ear. A reminder of the life I paused still playing without me.
Grandma walks in. I smile and hug her. I hear heavy footsteps and see the shape of someone taller step behind her. An automatic smile and greeting for Grandpa come to my lips, then die when my eyes see and my heart remembers that he's no longer here.
It's 2 a.m. I know some friends are up late writing papers. I am up late rubbing Mom's back, trying to ease her pain. She rocks and moans. "Pray, April," she whispers in agony. I place my hands on her and pray. A little while later: "Sing, April. Sing." So I sing.
And I will keep singing.
"[I] wait in hope for the LORD; he is [my] help and [my] shield. In him [my] heart rejoices, for [I] trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon [me], O LORD, even as [I] put [my] hope in you." - Psalm 33:20-22
How quickly life changes.
A conference call from friends. I hear laughter and teasing. Bright, animated voices. I stare out the window with the phone to my ear and watch snowflakes fall to the ground. The house is still. Mom is sleeping. More laughter in my ear. A reminder of the life I paused still playing without me.
Grandma walks in. I smile and hug her. I hear heavy footsteps and see the shape of someone taller step behind her. An automatic smile and greeting for Grandpa come to my lips, then die when my eyes see and my heart remembers that he's no longer here.
It's 2 a.m. I know some friends are up late writing papers. I am up late rubbing Mom's back, trying to ease her pain. She rocks and moans. "Pray, April," she whispers in agony. I place my hands on her and pray. A little while later: "Sing, April. Sing." So I sing.
And I will keep singing.
"[I] wait in hope for the LORD; he is [my] help and [my] shield. In him [my] heart rejoices, for [I] trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon [me], O LORD, even as [I] put [my] hope in you." - Psalm 33:20-22
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